Am I still standing?

Am I still standing? When I fall, does God count it against me? What makes me strong and why does everyone keep telling me I am? If I break a bone here and there am I still strong? Am I still standing? I'm mad at God but only for the day. I don't understand why there has to be a day.... To separate desire from fact, and the past and the present. I've cried a million moments with the same results, nothing. Again I ask myself Am I still strong? Do I still deserve to be called a child of God when my weaknesses come more often then not? My trust in the Lord has faded and returned, only to leave again.... I try and hold my head up and say there is nothing wrong, but the truth of the matter is it hurts, and so much more on this day. This man made, hurtful, resentful day! Is it ok to deliberately fall? Because I don't feel I can stand much longer. My feet can't hold my shaky legs and my will to go on starts to diminish..... Why does hurt have to hurt so bad? Why to bad people get to experience the greater things in life while others suffer for no reason. Am I still standing? I ask you who reads this because I'm all out of answer. I was told once to keep your eyes on the rock and not on the stones. But what if the stones are so big they cover the Rock? How will this ever be fixed and if it never sees redemption will I still be able to stand?