It's been a while....

I know it has been a while since my last post and for those that follow my blog I want to apologize. The past month has been good and bad but let's start with the good first! So my husband will be home from Iraq in like less then 3 weeks I'm so excited because we have not seen eachother since Feb. 28, 2010 and before that it was July 21, 2009. So my husband and I are God willing going to try and try to conceive again. This time it has been a well planned out decision and I pray (and your prayers wouldn't hurt either) everything works out! Now for the bad news..... well I'll share that later because this post is way too happy and great to spoil! Thanks for reaing God Bless!

My Thoughts....

Today I saw a friend I haven't seen in a while and her little boy. He is the cutest most chunkiest baby ever! He has beautiful eyes and big curls... just adorable! It got me thinking what had my babies looked like and what is my next baby going to look like? Will he/she have my eyes an my husband smile? Or will he/she have my husbands lips and my ears? You never know.... but it got me thinking. I think he/she will be perfect! Those are my thoughts for today...

A Jumbled Mind...

So yesterday my sister had my nephew and he is too cute! I love hom so very much and I can't wait until he gets bigger so I can figure out who he looks like... Well to the point there is a lot of baby talk going around with everyone asking how my sisters labor went and how big he is and what he looks like... It's kind of depressing me... So I've been distanting myself because I can't listen to it...and who am I to ask my sister to stop talking about it or for others to stop asking question when everyone is excited?... I want to be able to just be here in body, and heart but only my body is here right now.... I'm making the best of it and trying to make myself involved it's a lot harder then I thought... I mean I came to Oklahoma with high hopes and excitement in my heart but it's just gone.... Well I have to go now becuse I'm taking my Tia tot he store but I'll be back... Please comment I would love the advice! God Bless!

Foot Steps

So I just remembered that poem about there only being one set of foot prints because God was carrying me.... I wonder why anything has to be so hard that I need to be carried in the first place....Does God test us? What does he want me to learn? I know what I have learned.... Life is given to some and taken from others.... I know I need not complain and I try not to but it is hard.... I thought I was over this but I guess not... If I'm not being carried God please come pick me up.... Carry me..

Happy Mother's Day

I want to first say I pray all mothers had a blessed day today! I honestly thought that today would be the worst day ever because my husband is in Iraq and I'm here with my sister and her growing family...But today was one of the most special Mother's Days I have ever had... Not because of all the Happy Mother's Day comments I got or any of that but because I was happy and not resentful of those mothers without angel babies. I was so thankful for everything else in my life like a wonderful husband, my unbelievably understanding sister and her family and my mother. I'd be an idiot to complain about such wonderful family and friends...Especially friends because unlike family they choose to be in my life and that's special! So I want to thank God for an amazing day and for putting it in my heart to not be selfish and to love life.... God Bless! Oh.... and my sister gave me purple roses today which filled my heart with more love then I could have ever imagined... Thank you Nikki...My Big Sister!

Today Was A Good Day

So today my sister and I and my niece went to the mall.... It was so much fun! It was boring at first but then I saw this lady and she had a little boy that looked about 5 or 6 tears old. I guess he had taken it upon his self to dress himself this morning and she did not intervene so there he was in the mall on a Sat. afternoon with bright yellow Sponge Bob PJ's on with yellow slippers! Lol I laughed so hard I couldn't help but have a good time after that! Well that was my day.... No sadness at all which is a lot better then the past couple of days. And for those that are reading that feel I'm depressed I'm not it just took a lot more out of me to start this blog then I imagined because I was reliving my story , but I'm ok just had a rough couple of days... Well until next time God Bless!

From A Mans Point of View

I asked my husband some questions to see if it was a different experience from a mans point of view... Check it out!

1. What was you first reaction when you found out your wife was pregnant the first time?

Excited didnt know what to do but was so happy about it.


2.What is the first thing that came to your mind?

I'm gonna be a father!

3. What was your intial feeling when you found out your baby had passed away?

I felt like my old self cold hearted and a piece of our world was gone.

4. What are some things you did to help you and your wife during this time?

Tried to help cope with what happened with the loss to the best I could.

5. Can you explain what you felt when you found out your wife was pregnant for the second time?

Another chance and its happening this time.

6. How did you take it when you realized the second pregnancy was coming to an end?

A little harder than the first because the pregnancy went a little futher.

7. Do you mind explaining from a mans/fathers point of view what you went through emotionally?

Had to be strong for both my wife and myself and find away to deal with what happened.

8. What advice would you have for men going through the loss of a baby?

Pray, pray, and pray take care of your wife every step of the way.

9. Is there anything you would have done differently?

No I felt I did what I could from my perspective.

10. Do you and your wife plan to try and have more babies in the future? Yes

I want to thank you for answering these question to help other understand what men go through in these times of loss.