Tuesday, May 17, 2011

I want to be happy......

So I have a friend in which I will not mention her name but she found out she is pregnant today! What a joy because I know her struggles, and she has been waiting for this so much longer than I have and I prayed along with so many of her friends and family that this was it for her and it was.... God answered prayers today! So why am I like this? Sad and down, and feeling a bit jealous? It's not normal... especially because I knew her chances of getting pregnant were sooooo much higher than mine and I was praying so hard for her.... I am not writing this to say how much I wish I was her or to talk about her in a negative way because she is a friend and I care for her and her well being, but I feel as though when is my moment... you know?I just want to feel the same joy has her when they told her "your test was positive." I want to buy a stupid gift for my husband to tell him "you're going to be a daddy." I know everyone tells me that my time will come and to let go and let God, and I try.. But I think about this so much it, and it hurts with every thought just a little bit more then the one before... I'm just expressing my feelings because I have no one to talk to right now.... This post is not meant to hurt anyone or make anyone uncomfortable, and if it does I'm truly sorry, because it was not my intentions. I love God, I love my husband, and I love my family.... I guess that's all that matters for right now.... I just hope my birthday does not blow, because right now its really feeling that way right now. When I was younger it never acquired to me that life wouldn't turn out how I wanted it to.....