Friday, May 7, 2010

Am I Still in Step One?

So yesterday I was a little upset but today is worse.... You think you've tacked the monsters in your life only for them to slap you in the face at every chance they get. I know it's just the devil trying to make me go back from all the progress I've made......but today my sister received a Mother's Day card from my grandmother on my father's side and it hurt me.... I know she probably don't mean anything by it but I fell that just because my babies aren't here does not mean they don't exist and that I was never pregnant with them..... My husband and I celebrate the holidays people think we shouldn't.... I mean I actually had an older women tell me that because during my first pregnancy I wasn't that far a long only about 10 weeks and I didn't go into labor and have my Angel that I had not right to celebrate Mother's Day... The nerve of some people huh? But honestly I think do I have the right? But I think it's just negative thinking and I try not to pay attention to it. Last year was better because my husband was home and it was just him and I but this year he is in Iraq and I will be with my sister who has a beautiful little girl plus she's being induced on the 13Th with a little boy...Perfect huh? So this year will not be like last year... because my husband is my person.......you know? He's the one I cry to and he is the one that best understands me for he was right there through it all and went through everything right by my side.... I don't know what I'd do without him.... God is my number one fore sure... but God made and gave me my number two which is my husband. Another thing that bothered me was last year at church they had all the Mothers get up infront of everyone in the church and gave them a Mother's Day gift...That's great right? There was actually a women up there that had married a man in the church that had a little girl but had not children of her own.... She was up there in that line and even had a special announcement because she had just gotten married and became a mother overnight.... I know it sounds like animosity but it's just a lack of understand on why does she count but I don't? That's all.....Well I'm done for today... I need to go pray and ask God to help me with this because the more I write on here the more I realize there are certain things I haven't gotten over.... God Bless!

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